


Figure It Out

by Boshy



Series: Boshy- Sakuatsu angst week 2021 [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fake Feelings, Falling In Love, Lies, M/M, Mentions of kagehina, Mistakes, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-19 05:21:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29994510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boshy/pseuds/Boshy
Summary: Atsumu gritted his teeth. It wasn’t meant to be a sore spot at all, yet here he was, with feelings for Sakusa Kiyoomi.And oh,OhOh crap
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Series: Boshy- Sakuatsu angst week 2021 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2203725
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11
Collections: SakuAtsuAngstWeek





	Figure It Out

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya! Day two prompts are unrequited love + "You love him. I can never be him."
> 
> Enjoy!

Atsumu had spent years longing for a boy to be his. It wasn’t a crush anymore, how could it still be after all this time, no, this was  _ love _ . He first met the boy when he was seventeen, and Atsumu saw something in him that he didn’t even see in his  _ twin brother. _

__

The boy had bright orange hair and a burning passion for volleyball that matched his. But he was severely lacking, the boy was nowhere  _ near _ Atsumu’s level. And yet, when nationals rolled around, there he was, ahead of Atsumu,  _ beating Atsumu, better  _ than Atsumu. The whole thing gave him a thrill like no other. He couldn’t  _ wait _ to set for him one day.

__

Of course, he was upset that he couldn’t win for upperclassmen, but they made it clear to him that he should go higher, go further so they could say, “Aren’t my teammates amazing?” just a little longer (and he did just that when he signed with the Black Jackals).

__

The next time the two met was, again, for the Spring Interhigh Tournament a year later. The satisfaction of defeating Karasuno was immeasurable. He hoped Kita and Aran were proud of him, of  _ them. _ But now he would never play against the Greatest Decoy again and that thought left a sour taste in his mouth.

__

The fact that he could never play against Hinata Shoyo was upsetting for sure but then, four years later, he turns up. He’s right there in front of Atsumu, _ joining his team. _ He had been absolutely elated, he had a chance, finally! 

__

And then after the match against the Schweiden Adlers, when they were supposed to go to change, Shoyo ran up to Tobio and gave him the biggest, loudest smooch he could manage then immediately shouting, “I won Bakayama!”. 

__

It was at that moment that Atsumu’s heart broke in two. He should’ve expected it but he didn’t and that was the problem. He only had his eyes on Shoyo, and Shoyo only had eyes for Tobio. So of course the two would be together. Atsumu tried not to look too disappointed as he congratulated the others and pestered Meian to buy them all dinner tomorrow (he didn’t agree, not even after the whole team gave him the puppy eyes, so they called him stingy but he still didn’t budge, said that his wallet would be empty for months with the amount the team eats so they let him be).

__

Slowly but surely Atsumu got over his feelings too. Well, not  _ got over _ per se, believe it or not, it’s quite difficult to stop loving someone, especially if you’ve loved them for years! There would always be a spot designated to Shoyo but he was still happy, after all, what good would it do if Shoyo was happy with Tobio but he sulked around like a toddler.

__

So he focused on volleyball, like always. He failed to see at the Jackals and Adlers match but Sakusa Kiyoomi was also a new hotshot on their team. Atsumu had just been too wrapped around Shoyo to see. But over the course of the next six months, he noticed little things about Sakusa. Like the way, he always went to shower first 'before anyone else gets their germs in the water.' or how he would pretend to get annoyed at Shoyo and Bokkun when they egged him to show them his wrists when he actually enjoyed it very much. 

__

Honestly, Atsumu thought that Sakusa was kinda attractive too. Not that he would ever think to admit it to the spiker. Over the following six months he found himself feeling more and more charmed by Sakusa. The man wasn’t even doing anything different or special. It was just the everyday things that made him swoon.

__

One day he asked Sakusa to pick something up with him and the male agreed. They sat in the car with just the music from the radio to fill the silence. 

__

“So do you actually have something to pick up or was that just an excuse to get me to come with you?” Sakusa asked.

__

Atsumu blushed and while he said nothing, that was an answer in itself. 

__

Sakusa smirked, “Well you do know that you could’ve just asked me to come with you, you didn’t need to make up a lousy excuse, idiot.”

__

“Yes, I know that Omi kun, but it doesn’t matter anymore, you’re still here either way,” Atsumu scowled.

__

Sakusa held his hands up defensively, “Sorry, didn’t mean to hit a sore spot there,”

__

Atsumu gritted his teeth. It wasn’t  _ meant _ to be a sore spot at all, yet here he was, with  _ feelings for Sakusa Kiyoomi. _

__

And oh,

__

_ Oh  _

__

Oh crap 

__

Judging by the sudden change of face, it seemed that he had said that aloud. Sakusa’s face was now blank, making Atsumu’s mouth go dry. Sakusa pursed his lips clenching and unclenching his hands, but he said nothing. 

__

“Sorry,” Atsumu offered.

__

Still nothing. Not even sparing a look at him. Was he  _ that _ worthless?

__

“Sakusa? Omi-Omi? Please say something. This is going to turn awkward very fast otherwise haha” Atsumu laughed nervously, eyes flickering between the road and Sakusa.

__

But the man was quite stubborn.

__

Atsumu got the hint and stopped talking but he didn’t like the way his stomach was churning or how his anxiety was biting at him, “Do you want me to drop you home? I understand if you want to go now. I won’t give ya hell for it or anything.” He quickly parked the car to the side of the road.

__

“That’s not the problem here,” Sakusa said slowly.

__

“Huh?” Atsumu looked up.

__

“I said, that’s not the problem here,”

__

“No, yes, I mean, I know what you said, I was just caught off guard. You were silent for a really long time y’know.”

__

“Yeah well I'm not sure what you wanted me to do,” Sakusa muttered steelily.

__

“We don’t have to talk about it ever again or anything like that. Just pretend it ever happened, okay?” He tried and failed to attempt a smile.

__

“No, not okay.”

__

“What,” Atsumu was taken aback.

__

“You can’t do that.” Sakusa still wouldn’t look at him.

__

“Do what?” He wasn’t making any sense, did he mean the confession? Atsumu couldn’t tell.

__

“You still love him.”

__

Love?  _ Love?  _ Love? Now?  _ What _ ?

__

“Him? Omi-  _ Sakusa _ what the hell are you talking about?”

__

“ _ Hinata,” _

__

Now Atsumu froze. 

__

“You love him, not me. You need to understand that  _ I’m not him- _ never will be. It’s been a year and I still see the way you look at him.”

__

Sakusa was still talking but the rest of his words were drowned out by a single word swirling around Atsumu’s mind;  _ no. _

__

No.

__

No that can’t be true.

__

Not anymore.

__

“No.”

__

“What?”

__

“No, no, no, no NO, Stop it. Stop lying, I love  _ you _ . Not him. I mean  _ yes, _ I loved him at  _ some _ point but not anymore. I moved on Omi! I  _ swear _ I did. And then I fell for you instead.” Atsumu pressed his palms over his ears, he didn’t want to hear it.

__

“Atsumu,  _ I _ don’t love you... If you want to convince yourself that you love me go ahead, but I don’t, and you need to understand that, for your sake as well as mine. I will  _ never _ love you.  _ I’m not Hinata. _ ”

__

What did Sakusa mean, “You don’t love me,”?  _ Of course _ , he loved Sakusa. He knew Sakusa. Atsumu knew his habits, his specific ways of doing things, his routines,  _ everything _ . Is that not a crush? 

__

“So what, I’m only allowed to love once? How would you know what I feel? I  _ know _ that you’re not Shoyo kun.” Atsumu scoffed, “Clearly the two of you are  _ very _ different.”

__

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sakusa demanded, “And I never said you weren’t allowed to love more than once, I was just saying that I think you've gotten me and Hinata mixed up that’s all.”

__

“Oh yeah, real nice Omi,” Atsumu gritted his teeth, “Just go ahead and assume that I’m a complete and utter fuck up,”

__

“That’s not what I  _ said _ ,” Sakusa narrowed his eyes at Atsumu.

__

“Is that right? Well, that’s what you think of me then, correct?”

__

Sakusa said nothing but continued to glare at Atsumu.

__

“I’m done, forget anything happened. I'll see you tomorrow at practice. Goodbye Sakusa.” Atsumu leaned forward to unlock Sakusa’s door then moved back, setting his elbow on the wheel and resting it against his head. 

__

Wordlessly Sakusa grabbed his bag and climbed out of the vehicle without so much as glancing at him, but honestly, Atsumu was too pissed off to care. Kiyoomi banged the door shut and walked away. The setter sat there for another minute, allowing himself to cool off enough to drive safely then he too started up the engine and drove away.

__

The two had separated at a crossroad, both following their own paths. The paths did not intertwine but who knows, maybe, in the future, they’ll be walking on the same roads again but this time, they’ll be walking towards the joint.

__

__

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/boshy26)


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